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Know

Take a moment and think about your family when you were a child. What were your relationships like with your primary caregivers, siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents? Think about the considerable impact your family had on you growing up. Conversely, think about the impact that you had on your family members. For example, when you were dealing with a stressful situation or major life change, how were the members of your family affected? These reflective thoughts are examples of how one can consider family dynamics.

Because you work closely with your students, it’s natural to consider how your students are affected or shaped by their families. Remember that families are complex systems that frequently change depending on each family members’ interests, development, and stage of life. Caregivers, siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents can all be affected by a child or adolescent’s behaviors and experiences. Bowen’s family systems theory (1978) acknowledges the complexity of families and suggests that changes in any part of the family system have an impact on all other individuals in the family.

Let’s think about a family that consists of a mother, grandmother, and Steven, an 8-year-old child. Steven has been home-schooled by his grandmother while his mother works full-time. The family recently decided to send Steven to the local public school. Consider how this decision impacts the family dynamics. How does this decision affect Steven? Steven’s grandmother? Or Steven’s mother? Perhaps the grandmother will be able to participate in hobbies or visit with her friends, improving her well-being. Maybe the mother will be able to talk with the grandmother about various interest and ideas, instead of mostly having conversations about Steven’s lessons. A change to one element in this family can have a significant impact on all other family members as well. Next, imagine that Steven begins exhibiting a sexual behavior challenge at his new school. How would this affect Steven’s mother or grandmother? Perhaps the mother or grandmother would need to attend more appointments or connect with community resources or agencies for support. The family would need to shift and adapt in order to meet the needs of the child.

The Importance of Rapport and Family Engagement

As an educator, a majority of your work is spent with students. It can be difficult to find time to connect with primary caregivers or families; however, it is essential to develop rapport with families. Being friendly, asking questions, offering opportunities for engagement, and expressing interest are all ways that you can build strong relationships with families. Developing strong relationships with families creates a supportive environment. If a sexual behavior challenge were to arise in your classroom, you have already established a basic level of trust with the student's family.

Communicating with Families

In Lesson Five, you had the opportunity to walk through the case study of Crystal, an educator handling a sexual behavior challenge that occurred one day at recess. You learned how to respond in the moment and engage in the necessary follow-up procedures after the fact. Now that you have learned how to manage the immediate needs of children or adolescents in that moment, you can turn your attention to supporting the family through this experience. Remember that it’s necessary to report the incident to your administrator who will reach out to MIL a specialist to take the lead on supporting families. However, this lesson will outline important considerations when communicating with families around any difficult or challenging issue.

Assess your own reactions and biases

In Lesson One, you learned the importance of reflecting on your own attitudes and assumptions you hold toward this highly sensitive topic. Acknowledging the biases or discomfort you may have around this topic is a way to prepare for communicating with families about their student’s sexual behavior.

Start with empathy

Empathy is commonly described as being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and consider what they may be going through. Having empathy for students and families coping with sexual behavior challenges is important and can improve understanding, communication, and relationships. For parents or caregivers, caring for a child that exhibits sexual behavior challenges can be immensely stressful. They may struggle to know how to respond or help their child. Further, caregivers may feel judged by others for their child’s behaviors or that others will think of them as a “bad” parents or caregivers which adds an extra layer of complexity for them as they support their child or adolescent. Families that are supporting their child or adolescent’s sexual behavior challenges may experience any of the following (NCTSN, 2009):

Identify strengths

Prior to having a difficult conversation with a family, take a moment and consider the strengths of the student or the family. What makes them unique? What makes them strong or resilient? Take a strengths-based approach to empower the family and encourage yourself to identify and leverage the incredible strengths the families at your school have to offer.

Sharing Information with Families: Effective Communication

As you learned in Lesson Four, the language you use and the way you share information with families matters. When sexual behavior challenges occur, it’s likely that families will have questions about (1) what is considered normative or expected sexual behavior in children or adolescents as opposed to sexual behavior challenges and (2) the sexual behavior challenge you observed.

�Թ���ing students through their challenging sexual behaviors is not an expected or anticipated experience for a family, and therefore families may not be familiar with the range of normative and challenging sexual behaviors, or even how to handle such a situation. It’s important to keep in mind that, based on their own experiences or culture, not all families will have the same perceptions or expectations regarding their child’s behavior. When speaking about the topic with families, try to create an environment where questions and discussion about sexual development are welcomed and encouraged.

Each student is unique and each situation is complex; sometimes it can be difficult to answer questions about sexual development and behavior in the moment. For example, you may have families ask if the sexual behavior they observe at home is “normal.” If a family member asks a question about sexual development that you are unsure about, it’s OK to say so. While admitting that you don’t have an answer can be difficult, it’s important to not make assumptions or take a guess. Instead, let the family know that you will find out more information by consulting with your administrator, counselor, or social worker. You can say “I’m not sure, but I can find out more and ask the school counselor. One of us will follow up with you as soon as possible.” This action can help strengthen your relationship with the family. It may also be useful to have resources readily available to consult or use when discussing complex topics with families. You may find it helpful to refer to the Normative Childhood Sexual Development & Behavior handout in the Apply section of Lesson Two.

In addition to discussing the range of normative and challenging sexual behaviors, families may also have questions for you about the instances you observed. When discussing sexual behaviors with families, here are some important considerations:

Ineffective Communication: What to Avoid

While there are plenty of effective communication strategies that you can utilize with families, it’s also important to be aware of ineffective communication, or statements that may make a family feel uncomfortable or defensive. Below are some examples to avoid.

Avoid labels or diagnoses

When speaking with families about their child’s sexual behavior challenges, avoid making assumptions or generalizations. As you learned in Lesson Four, behavior is complex and one way that children and adolescents communicate messages. Because behaviors can be interpreted, we may speculate about what a student is attempting to communicate through their behavior. However, it’s important not to jump to conclusions by diagnosing or labeling a child or adolescent. Only specialists who, as part of their scope of practice, can diagnose or suggest diagnoses, should introduce discussion about specific diagnoses with families. For example, an educator can say, “Your child has been observed repeatedly using unsafe touch in the classroom,” but should not make statements such as, “I think your child has a sexual behavior disorder.” If you are unsure of what you should say, refer to your professional guidelines and consult with your administrator.

Avoid judgment or criticism

Remember that sexual behavior challenges in children or adolescents can be a tremendous shock to the family. Think back to the wide range of ways that families may be experiencing or reacting to these behaviors and utilize empathy when working with families. If families feel judged or criticized, it’s possible they will shut down and withdraw from working cooperatively with school staff. For example, saying something like “If you were more involved with your daughter she wouldn’t be exhibiting these behaviors” can be offensive for families to hear and would likely make them feel attacked.

Don’t compare one child or adolescent to another

Avoid comparing the behaviors or actions of one student to another. For example, using a statement such as “none of the other students in my classroom have had issues like this” can hurt the feelings of the family you’re working with and damage the relationship you’ve developed with them.

�Թ���ing Families through Their Child’s Sexual Behavior Challenges

Depending on the sexual behavior concern, you may be working with a family whose child or adolescent exhibits the behavior or a family whose child or adolescent experienced the behavior. Think back to the case study from Lesson Five where you learned about Cameron and Makayla. The families of both Cameron, the child that exhibited the sexual behavior challenge, and Makayla, the child that experienced the sexual behavior, need support.

As you’ve already learned, one way that you can be immediately supportive of these families is to utilize your effective communication skills with them regarding the sexual behavior incidents. When a sexual behavior challenge occurs, your administrator will likely lead the process of referring families to community resources for support. However, it can be beneficial for you to familiarize yourself with some of the local supports for families as well.

See

Listen as experts speak about the importance of thoughtful communication with families and awareness of biases. After listening, think about how you might initiate conversations with families about their children’s sexual behavior.

Do

As you’ve learned, discussing sexual behavior challenges with families can be difficult for all adults involved. So far, you’ve explored ways that you can use effective communication skills to support families in crisis. Now let’s turn your attention to school programs. It’s important to be familiar with program policies, procedures, and available community resources that can help to support families dealing with their child or adolescent’s sexual behavior challenges.

Take a few moments and consider the following questions regarding your program:

• Are school staff aware of local mental health or other community assistance programs or resources?
• Are school staff aware of when a family may benefit from speaking with someone on your team about local resources?
• Are community health or mental health resources posted somewhere at your school? Where is this information? Is it in a place where families can easily see it? How is this information presented? Is the information offered in the native languages of the families in your school?

While considering how information is displayed and whether it’s readily available for staff and families is important, building strong partnerships with local agencies can also be beneficial. By connecting with local health and mental health resources, school administrators can create a seamless transition into services. Some examples include: getting to know the point person for scheduling intake appointments for families, allowing families to have their first meeting with a counselor at your site, inviting staff from local agencies in to lead discussion groups, or speaking with parents to reduce stigma around mental health issues. These strategies increase the likelihood that families’ will approach you for support, and they also make resources more easily available to families.

Consider how your school can create stronger connections with community agencies and resources or how your school can reduce the stigma around mental health services to better support families dealing with their child or adolescent’s sexual behavior challenges.