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Gender Identity is Another Part of Human Development

As discussed in Lesson One, each of us has multiple identities, or multiple aspects of ourselves. Gender identity is one aspect of a person. In the Apply activity of Lesson 1 you were asked to examine your own gender identity by taking some online tests designed to see how much you align to the stereotypical attributes or behaviors associated with males or females. By living and interacting in the world, people develop an understanding of what is expected of the genders within their culture. Take a moment to reflect on your gender identity.

• How much do you align with the characteristics typically associated with men or women?
• Were you surprised by your findings on the Apply activity of Lesson 1?
• Did you feel constrained by what was expected or associated with your gender identity?
• How might these assumptions about the characteristics of males or females influence how children behave or their interests?

Where does one’s gender identity originate? Experts agree that gender identity is shaped by hormonal and societal influences, including families, schools, communities, and the media (Sperry, 2016). We know that gender-expansive children come from all types of families, religions, socioeconomic backgrounds, and cultures. In addition, gender fluidity or non-conformity to a male/female binary is not a new occurrence; gender fluid individuals have been known throughout human history (Levens, 2015).

Gender-expansive children often become aware at very young ages that they are not meeting the expectations of their families or culture. These experiences of feeling “different” come over time as they grow and develop. Due to society’s often rigid enforcement of gender rules, most gender-expansive children have experiences of rejection or conflict in some social contexts.

A child’s gender identity is often shaped and first challenged within family interactions. Think about all the ways families start assigning value to and assumptions about a child’s gender long before that child is able to self-identify. Families may learn through an ultrasound the genitalia of the fetus, or through prenatal testing the chromosomal make-up (XX or XY) of the fetus, and with this information, some parents begin choosing colors, clothing, and toys even before the child’s birth. Researchers have noted that adults, using gender stereotypes, perceive children differently based on the gender they believe a child is, and thus treat children differently based on their assigned gender (Eliot, 2010). Often adults are not even aware that they are doing this. This different behavior can frequently be observed in how adults speak to children, the kinds of words they use with them (e.g., “sweet” girl, vs. “strong” boy), how they physically handle children (e.g., engaging in more rough-and-tumble play with boys), and how they reinforce or discourage certain activities or toy choices. What may look like ‘natural’ or inborn child characteristics can often be a result of the interactions that take place with adults over the course of a child’s early development.

Child care centers and schools, where many children spend a great deal of time, also play a significant role in shaping gender identity and creating climates that can affect children’s growth and development. Early childhood professionals need to be aware of the goals of and potential challenges of the various developmental stages with an understanding of how gender-expansive children might experience these stages. This understanding helps caregivers and program staff create stronger environments to support healthy development.

Infants and Toddlers (to 24 months)

By the time children are 2 years old, they often recognize voices by gender and they assign gender to a person based on physical appearance. We also know from research with adults who are transgender, that around age two is often when individuals who are gender-expansive or transgender began asserting their experienced gender as opposed to their assigned gender in their home life. In fact, one parent whose child was assigned female at birth, reports that one of the child’s first sentences was, “I’m a boy.” (Whittington, 2016). Children at this age are interested in sorting their worlds. They respond to subtle and overt responses from adults about gender norms by asserting their budding sense of self, perhaps with a new favorite word, “no,” as in “No, not wearing dress.”

Caregivers and parents tend to see very young children as exploring their worlds, going through phases, and they often interpret gender fluidity or gender expansion during this stage as non-threatening. For most, but not for all children, this is true. Especially in the period of toddlerhood, children’s gender expression may be more fluid as they explore their worlds.

Older Toddlers and Preschool Children (2-5)

Preschool children continue to strengthen their sense of self. You can read more on children’s development of self in the Self & Cultural Understanding course. Children in preschool may be searching for more language to describe their gender-related experiences. Children who are gender-expansive may say things like, “You say I am a girl, but I’m not”; “When am I going to grow a penis?” or “I am part boy and part girl.” Families who may have initially found an infant or toddler expressing these feelings as entertaining may now feel differently depending on their beliefs.

In addition, the side-by-side play of toddlerhood is replaced by more interactive social groupings, often by gender. Peers may comment on gender expression. They may ask, “Are you a boy or a girl?” They may say, “Boys don’t do that!” Care providers who acknowledge, affirm, or advocate for children at this developmental age will be able to prevent some negative peer interactions. 

School Age Children (6-10)

During these years, children continue to form stronger bonds with peers. Acceptance and inclusion by peers becomes increasingly more important. Children who are different for any reason are often ostracized if adults do not present information about the experiences of diverse individuals. Peers and adults often organize social groups by gender (e.g., in lining up to go outside, saying “girls get your coats first” or playing boys against girls in trivia). Child care providers who respond creatively by organizing children in other ways can better support and include gender-expansive children. Sharing literature that acknowledges diversity of all kinds is another way to support gender-expansive and transgender children. Many young school-age children experience a period of rigid rule enforcement, and they can apply rigid rules about gender and gender expression if there is no one available to challenge their assumptions. This can mean that without adult intervention, peers may be very judgmental about diverse gender expression. These slight adjustments can really benefit all children, not just children who are gender-expansive. All children benefit from environments that are inclusive and allow for individual differences.

The gender-expansive or transgender child may try to comply with gender norms at school due to personality, to please their families, or because of their own choice to hide their gender identity, often for reasons of safety. Behavioral problems may become an issue due to the stress of limiting or hiding their gender expression. If the child care provider has been unaware of the child’s gender expression up to this point, they can show themselves as a safe adult by making statements that affirm diversity, such as saying to a child assigned male at birth, “I see you drew yourself as a princess. What bright colors you chose for your drawing!” By acknowledging children’s greater personal expression, child care providers create an environment that values diversity.

Older School-Age Children (11 – 12)

Most adults remember puberty as challenging, and puberty can be an especially difficult time for gender-expansive children. During puberty, some gender–expansive children or transgender children may choose to show gender expressions that more closely match their assigned gender at birth. In other words, they may choose to dress and behave in ways typically associated with their assigned gender. They might do this as an act of self-preservation in an often hostile world. Remember, there is a lot of social pressure to act in a particular manner.

Transgender children may become very worried about their bodies changing during this time. Boys who were assigned female at birth may be very uncomfortable with the thought of having their period or growing breasts. Girls who were assigned male at birth may be uncomfortable with the presence of facial hair and voice changes. For children who have already been perceived by others as the gender with which they identify, these body changes might create a more difficult social situation as others begin to question and challenge their identity.

Many transgender children become depressed during this time, especially if they are experiencing conflict at home or at school. Fifty percent of transgender children report contemplating suicide with 25 percent saying they have attempted suicide. There is a significant reduction in suicidal tendencies among children receiving supportive, affirming treatment for gender identity concerns (Meier & Harris, n.d.). By providing resources to children and families, child and youth care programs are in a position to improve the quality of and possibly save lives.

Children’s Development and Caring Responses

Read the following situations. As you read each scenario, think about how you could respond, or how you would want the caregivers in your program to respond.

Then, review some potential positive responses caregivers could have in reaction to these scenarios. Think about how you could support these responses in your program.

See

Listen as these early childhood professionals and families discuss the development of gender, and about their children's experiences in understanding their own identities. What do you notice about the difference between gender identity and gender expression? How is this information useful in your work with children?

Do

How do I know if a child is transgender or gender-expansive? How should I treat each one?

Sometimes parents or caregivers struggle with understanding whether their child or a child in their care is gender-expansive or transgender. The information below, adapted from the National Association from Social Workers can provide a bit more clarity ():

Children and youth who are gender-expansive may not refer to themselves as a boy or a girl or may at times identify as a girl in some settings or during some times and a boy in others. Older gender-expansive children, especially if they have been exposed to language that helps better describe their own gender identity, may just assert that they are a person who does not need a gender label.

In terms of knowing how to address or best support gender-expansive versus transgender children, the truth is that key concepts discussed throughout this course help all children, regardless of their gender expression or identity. Here are two key points to remember:

• Ensure that gender can be expressed in a variety of ways. Children of all genders can enjoy, wear, like, and do the same things.
• Address people—children, youth, and families, as they wish to be addressed. This is discussed more in Lesson Three, but using the name and pronoun preferences that children and families ask for is important for acknowledging their experiences.