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Know

Think about these three words: Safety, Stability, and Nurture. What do they mean? Think about a relationship in your own life that was represented by these three words. What did others in the relationship do that made it feel safe, stable, and nurturing? What impact did that relationship have on your life? Whether you recognize it or not, relationships like these likely shaped your outlook on the world and your ability to succeed. Let’s take a look at a few relationships that could be considered safe, stable, and nurturing.

Like all families, Chandra’s, Charlotte’s, and Ravi’s families have experienced some stress. Whether faced with single parenting, relocation, separation, financial or job-related stress, strong families are resilient and bounce back. No matter what, they make sure their children have safe, stable, and nurturing relationships. Chandra’s mom has extended family support, close friends, and a strong bond with her infant. She is beginning to build a strong relationship with the caregiver at the child development center. Charlotte’s parents understand her emotional needs. They help her maintain connections with old friends and build new friendships. Ravi’s family communicates with one another, celebrates one another, and spends time connecting and reconnecting.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention consider safe, stable, and nurturing relationships like these one of the “essentials of childhood.” Let’s explore how the Centers for Disease Control define these three words.

• Safety: Safety is “the extent to which a child is free from fear and secure from physical or psychological harm.” This means that adults protect child from harm. Adults regulate their own emotions and monitor children’s development.
• Stability: Stability is “the degree of predictability and consistency in a child’s environment.” This means the child comes to learn that the world is a manageable place. Consistent family routines are one way stability is provided for children.
• Nurture: Nurture is “the extent to which a parent or caregiver is available and able to sensitively respond to and meet the needs of their child.”

Unfortunately, trauma (like abuse or neglect) can damage or destroy a child’s sense of safety, stability, and nurture. This impacts development. Now think about the children in your care. Do all of them have relationships that are safe, stable, and nurturing? Based on what you have learned already in this course, it is clear that for some children the answer is, “no.” We do not have to accept that as an answer. It is our job to help strengthen families and help each and every person look back on their childhood and answer, “yes.”

You can do this by being aware of the stressors affecting your families. Being involved in a suspected case of child abuse or neglect can bring a great deal of stress to a family. The rest of this lesson will focus on (1) the behaviors or issues you might see after a family has been involved in a report, and (2) how to help families that have experienced this kind of trauma. Remember: any time you are uncomfortable or don’t know what to do, you can go to your T&Cs or supervisor for help. You do not need to face anything alone.

The American Academy of Pediatrics encourage promotion of resilience for families. Skills and actions that promote resilience are especially helpful to families that have experienced trauma.

“Resilience is the process by which the child moves through a traumatic event, utilizing protective factors for support, and returning to “baseline” in terms of an emotional and physiological response to the stressor.” -American Academy of Pediatrics, Promoting Resilience (2021)

Resilience is a crucial piece in a person's ability to navigate stressful situations. For children, it buffers the negative effects that can last into adulthood and for adults it diminishes the amount of stress they may experience. You can work to build resilience in yourself, students, and their families by utilizing protective factors.

See

Many families who are involved in allegations of child abuse or neglect have experienced some kind of trauma. This might mean they experienced abuse or neglect themselves as children. There may also be domestic violence toward adults in the home. They may experience family or community violence.

Trauma can influence how a family interacts with you. Look for these characteristics (Preventing Child Maltreatment, 2013):

• Families that have experienced trauma may find it difficult to build trusting relationships with you. It might not be easy for them to trust anyone.
• Families might perceive aggression or danger where it does not exist. They may struggle with keeping themselves or their children safe. You might find yourself questioning their decision-making.
• They may abuse drugs or alcohol.
• They may have a hard time controlling their emotions.
• They may seem numb or “shut down.”

Watch this video to learn more about supporting families impacted by trauma.

Do

The following list of strategies is from the Preventing Child Maltreatment and Promoting Well-Being: A Network for Action 2013 Resource Guide. Consider ways you can use these strategies to support families who have experienced trauma:

• Talk to your T&CS or administrator for support any time you have a concern about a family.
• Understand that a parent’s reactions (including anger, resentment, or avoidance) may be due to trauma. Do not take parents’ reactions personally.
• Remember that parents who have experienced trauma are not “bad.” Blaming or judging them is likely to make the situation worse.
• Recognize that all parents want the children to be safe and healthy. Compliment parents’ good decisions and healthy choices when you see them.
• Stay calm, and keep your voice as neutral and non-threatening as possible. Model direct and honest communication.
• Be consistent. When you make a commitment, follow through.
• Be aware that you could experience secondary traumatic stress, which can occur when you see or hear about trauma to others. Take care of yourself and take time to address your own reactions when you feel you are getting overwhelmed.
• Promote protective factors.

You should become aware of the resources available to families in your community or on your installation.

Just like this lesson opened with examples of children in safe, stable, and nurturing relationships, let’s end this lesson with an example of ways you can reduce stress in a family that has experienced trauma. Consider Kyle and his mother:

Kyle had experienced neglect in his home, and his mother is currently receiving help in the community after the report and investigation. You have noticed Kyle is acting out much more than usual. At the end of the day when Kyle’s mom comes to pick him up, you see your coworker run up to her and say, “You need to sign this incident report. Kyle hit 4 other children today. If this keeps up, we may have to recommend another placement for him.” 

Kyle’s mother breaks down in tears and says, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve taken off so much time from work trying to be a better mom. If I lose child care, I’m afraid I’ll be fired. What am I going to do?” She pulls a crying Kyle out the door. 

The next day when Kyle’s mom comes in, you rush up and say, “Good news! We had a few issues, but Kyle did much better today. We are making progress!” A smile comes across both Kyle’s and his mother’s face. You feel good knowing that just putting things in perspective can help reduce stress in the family. 

Remember, you are a team, working alongside the child’s family and your coworkers. Be honest with the family and communicate how the child is doing while remembering to offer the family support. If a child is struggling, discuss ways you are supporting the child and what the family can do at home.