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Know

You have already learned that knowing how children develop and learn (i.e., child development) is a protective factor against child abuse and neglect. Why do you think this is true? What are the risks of not understanding child development? Without child development knowledge, you are more likely to have either too high or too low of expectations for children. Expectations that are too low do not challenge children and limit their learning. Expectations that are too high create a mismatch between what caregivers expect children to do and what children can actually do. This is a risk factor for child abuse and neglect and limits caregivers’ abilities to make sound decisions. When frustrated, you are less able to problem-solve, use new practices, think creatively, and be patient. You are less able to support the children who need your help the most.

To develop appropriate expectations, you will need to be familiar with typical behaviors in children. Review these examples of behaviors you can expect to see in infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and school-agers.

• Solomon is a young infant. He cries on and off throughout the day.
• Flora, a toddler, will sometimes smile and wave at you in the hallway. Other days she avoids looking at you and doesn’t say hi back.  
• A staff member told Hilary it was time to get a diaper change. She yelled, “No!” and ran away.
• Zoe, a preschooler, plays with her food during lunch and makes a big mess.
• Carli and Claire only want to play with each other. They tell other children, “You can’t play with us.”
• Clark does not nap. He never falls asleep and is always moving when asked to lie down.
• Aylen comes running to you screaming, “He hit me!”
• It’s time to go to elementary school, but Taylor is still eating breakfast and moving very slowly.
• Two boys get in a fight over who deserves a foul in their pickup basketball game.
• Claire keeps getting the candy she got at school out of her backpack even though she has been asked several times to put it away.

Are these scenarios familiar to you? Have you observed them in your program? These behaviors are all reflections of typical child development. Even though these behaviors are typical, some caregivers may be challenged by them and have less patience and harsher responses. You should not expect children to always be perfectly behaved, and behaviors that are typical but difficult are a normal part of children growing up.

Let’s take look at how children typically develop from birth to 12 years. The information on this table is compiled from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health ().

As you read the milestones, did you notice any behaviors that might frustrate or challenge adults? This table can help you remember that behaviors like biting, mouthing objects, tantrums, not following directions, talking back to adults, occasionally lying, and making demands are all normal parts of development. As adults, we have to be prepared to respond positively and in ways that guide children to grow. While this is primarily the responsibility of direct care staff, you should be prepared to provide this guidance in the event you find yourself in a situation that calls for you to respond. Remember, these milestones tell us what children typically do at certain ages. They are not hard and fast rules. Individual children will vary a great deal in when they reach different milestones. If you have a concern about a child’s development, talk to your program administrator.

Unrealistic vs Realistic Expectations

Read the following statements made about children. On the left, you see unrealistic expectations that reflect limited knowledge of child development. On the right you see realistic expectations that show understanding of typical behaviors. Use the information on typical child development to guide your understanding.

Children at Risk for Abuse and Neglect

There are three categories of children more at risk for child abuse and neglect: young children, children with special needs, and children with challenging behavior. Why do you think these children are at an increased risk? Generally, these children might have a difficult time communicating, controlling their emotions, following directions, or getting along with others. The adults around them might get frustrated easily or not know how to help the child. This can put the child in a dangerous situation. We must be careful to remember this does not mean that the child causes the abuse and neglect. The child is never to blame. It also does not mean that only children in these categories are abused or neglected. Keep in mind that the families of these children and staff members who care for them may need additional support.

Children under the age of 4 are at the greatest risk for child abuse and neglect. Can you think of reasons why this might be the case? Think about the developmental milestones described above. Young children are least able to communicate their wants and needs. They are also not developmentally ready to solve complex social problems, regulate their behavior or emotions, and follow complicated directions. All of this leaves young children vulnerable to negative interactions with adults who do not understand development.

When a child has a delay or disability, their caregivers may experience more stress. Caregivers may not understand the child’s communication, making it more difficult to meet the child’s needs and requests. Some children may need a lot more time and practice to learn skills their peers learned long ago. This can leave caregivers feeling helpless, confused, and unsure of what to do. Caregiver stress puts children with developmental delays and disabilities at greater risk for child abuse or neglect.

Children with severe and persistent challenging behavior are also at an increased risk for abuse or neglect. When children demonstrate severe and persistent challenging behavior, adults often feel personally challenged. It’s not unusual to feel like a child is “pushing your buttons.” Adults may not know what to do and, in a moment of crisis, they may resort to harsh or punitive practices.

View children’s behavior through the lens of their development and abilities. Understand that difficult behavior is complex and usually has multiple causes. You should not blame families and staff when children have difficult behaviors, but instead know that due to these challenges they may need more support to meet children’s needs.

Special Concerns for Infants and Toddlers: Prolonged Periods of Crying

Crying is a normal part of infancy. All babies cry. Between the first and fourth months of life, many infants become more fussy and crying increases. Some experts refer to this as the period of PURPLE Crying. This does not mean babies turn purple from crying. Rather, PURPLE is an acronym describing the characteristics of this stage. You can visit the PURPLE Crying website to learn more: .

Even healthy infants sometimes cry for hours during this stage. Sometimes, it can be hard to comfort the infants. They might seem inconsolable. Crying tends to be worse in the evenings, but staff might experience prolonged periods of crying with infants in your program. This can be very frustrating, and it might make them doubt their ability to do their jobs well. It’s not unusual for infant caregivers to feel stressed and to need a break. Although this is a typical phase in infant development, infant caregivers may need more support from your program’s coach or administrator when caring for an infant who cries for prolonged periods of time. 

See

Now that you are familiar with typical behaviors of children of various ages, listen to experts discuss the importance of developmentally appropriate expectations. As you view this video, reflect on how this information applies to your role as a support staff member.

Do

Keep these things in mind as you observe the children, staff, and families in your program.

• Typical development varies. Although the milestone information in this lesson is a good baseline for what to expect, there is some difference for when typical children learn specific skills or develop behaviors. Children with disabilities and delays may reach milestones much later, and in some cases, not at all.
• The direct care staff in your program have varying levels of knowledge and experience in child care. Some are more seasoned and others are just beginning to learn about child development.
• Families also have varying levels of knowledge and diverse beliefs on child-rearing. While you must report abuse or neglect, there is a widerange of acceptable family practices.  
• If you observe an interaction between a child and family member or staff member that appears to be punitive, harsh, or inconsiderate of the child’s development, speak to someone from program leadership. They should know when a family or staff member needs support.