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“Being sensitive and responsive to individual needs supports children’s growing sense of self.” (Poole, Miller, & Church, 2014)

Know

Children experience significant changes in the development of their self-concept from their early childhood years through adolescence. Children begin to think about themselves and develop a self-concept between the ages of 3 and 5 years old. They tend to describe themselves using very specific and concrete terms (e.g., “I’m 3 years old. I have a dog.”). During early-childhood children can also describe some emotions (e.g., “I’m happy at school”). At around age 4, children develop what is known as belief-desire theory of mind. This theory of mind is when a child can use beliefs and desires to determine behavior. The child understands that both beliefs and desires determine an individual’s actions. This ability helps young children act more appropriately during social interactions with others.

As children get older, they become able to use competencies to describe themselves (e.g., “I’m good at soccer. I also am a good student”). The ability to internalize what others have told them about themselves and compare their skills and qualities to others occurs as children mature during the elementary and middle school years.

During adolescence, teens begin to place more emphasis on traits that show social virtues (e.g., being kind, considerate, fair). Teens also have a sense of personal identity that continues to develop into adulthood. Teens are more conscious of what is socially appropriate and may emphasize that in their descriptions of themselves. For a brief overview, you may want to review the handout, Milestones: Emergence of Self and Development of Self-Concept (see Learn section).

Practices that Promote Children’s Healthy Development of Sense of Self

Positive, loving adult-child attachment is at the heart of developing a healthy sense of self. “Attachment is a strong emotional bond that grows between a child and an adult who is part of the child’s everyday life” (Baker & Manfredi-Petit, 2004, p. 8). Research has shown that children who have secure attachments to consistent adult caregivers develop a positive self-concept. Very young children (younger than 36 months old) should be assigned a primary caregiver to facilitate a strong, meaningful attachment. As the Program Manager, you can promote secure attachments between children and adults by arranging schedules to provide children continuity of care with their primary caregiver. You can also oversee the work environment to promote positive relationships among the adult caregivers. Your focus should be on enhancing relationship-based caregiving among the children, families, and staff.

Remember that the development of self-concept does not always follow the same path in all cultures. In the dominant American culture, self-concept is supported by adults who allow children to make nonthreatening errors and learn from them. Adults raised in this culture also promote problem-solving skills that teach children to navigate interactions with other peers and adults. A healthy sense of self is supported by allowing children to try areas of interest (e.g., piano lessons, soccer, math club, etc.) in order to learn more about their passions and abilities. Older elementary age children raised in the American dominant culture may describe themselves through social comparisons (e.g., “I’m a fast swimmer, but my friend Eli is a fast runner.”).

Our military installations are located throughout the U.S. and the world. As a Program Manager you may encounter how the promotion of self-concept may be quite different for individual families from various cultural and linguistic backgrounds. You will need to learn about each family and share information with staff (including, for example, planning professional development events) about cultural and linguistic differences in the promotion of children’s self-concept and sense of self.

Embracing Diversity

The diversity of your program is its greatest strength. Each child, family, and staff member has a chance to learn from and with a wide range of people. It is not enough, though, to simply bring people together. You must also create an environment that embraces diversity and helps nurture a healthy sense of self for everyone. It can be helpful to begin by looking around the program. How are children, families, and staff learning to see themselves and others in the program spaces? When your program embraces diversity and works to address bias, several important things can happen: children develop pride in themselves and their families, they find joy in human diversity, they develop the skills necessary to navigate conflicts and recognize unfairness, and they stand up for themselves and others (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2020). These are outcomes that most educators would agree are important, but it takes a great deal of intentionality to make them a reality. You can help staff members be mindful of the impact that media messages, choices of classroom materials, interactions with families, and responses to questions have on children’s development of self. Work with staff to ensure learning environments promote a healthy sense of self by asking yourself and staff these questions:

• Does artwork and displays throughout the program represent children’s own experiences? Even better, are artwork and displays made by children, staff, and families themselves?
• Are labels, program materials, and signage printed in children’s home languages as well as English?
• Do children’s books feature experiences of people with a wide range of races, languages, nationalities, social classes, abilities, and family make-ups?
• Do pretend foods and play materials reflect children’s homes?
• Does the program promote positive cultural identities? For example, are children and youth encouraged to learn and share their family stories? Are materials free of bias and stereotypes?
• Do the children in your program have opportunities to learn about cultures and experiences that are different from their own?
• Are children encouraged to notice and talk about differences, and do adults nurture positive attitudes about differences?
• Are families’ interests, skills, and strengths shared and valued in the program?
• Are children described in strengths-based ways? For example, do staff describe children’s curiosity, leadership, and eagerness to learn, or do they focus on challenges?
• Do you and the Training & Curriculum Specialist have open and supportive discussions with families or staff when there is a conflict between cultural values and program policies (for example, when a family’s preference conflicts with program’s infant safe sleep policies)?
• Are there multiple ways for children and staff to learn and show what they know? For example, are there opportunities to learn and show learning through storytelling, movement, and collaboration?
• Do staff learn words families use at home to describe their families? What do children call the adults in their home? Are program forms and discussions inclusive of diverse birth stories (adoption, foster homes, surrogacy, etc.)?
• Do adults speak up when they see unfair treatment such as racism, sexism, classism, or ableism? Do adults teach children and youth to take action in the face of unfairness?
• Are efforts made to consider the voices and perspectives of families and staff who belong to marginalized groups?

As you work to build an environment that promotes a healthy sense of self, you can think back to the values you identified in Lesson 1. It takes courage, creativity, and teamwork to build a vibrant, diverse program. Talking about identities such as race, gender, ability, and social class can lead to discomfort, particularly for individuals who have not been asked to reflect on how others perceive them before. As a leader, you must recognize that staff members will be at different places depending on their personal histories and experiences. The following practices can help you embrace diversity in your program:

• Model courageous conversations. In other words, “practice what you teach.” Provide honest feedback, ask important questions, and talk about your own growth and learning.
• Learn from your mistakes. Consider the ways you can “fail forward.” When you don’t know the answer or you make a bad decision, talk about how you have learned from that experience. Build the expectation that every adult in the program is a learner, and mistakes are part of that learning.
• Embrace constructive feedback. Sometimes the only way to learn new things is to have someone point out something we were not aware of before. Understand that receiving constructive feedback can be uncomfortable, but a necessary part of learning.
• Recognize that tension is a sign that people care a lot about what is happening in your program (Derman-Sparks, LeeKeenan, & Nimmo, 2015). Name the tension and explore healthy ways for your program to navigate conflict.
• Build in time for connections. Make sure staff members have opportunities to talk with you and one another. Plan creative ways for staff to continue getting to know one another. Plan friendly ice-breakers for meetings: What smell do you associate with summer? What was your favorite book as a child? What's your earliest memory of music?
• Be there for staff members when they aren’t sure what to say. Offer to role play conversations and preview written materials. Ensure your program recognizes the range of global holidays staff and families may celebrate. Create a calendar that helps staff remain aware of special days. Explore and see if your state offers a similar tool.

Embracing Family Experiences: Considerations for Programs Serving Military Families

Think about the military families you know or serve. How are their identities shaped by the experience of being military families? For many families, military service and personal identity can be intertwined. Consider these potential reasons:

• Living on a military installation: Many families, military and civilian alike, base their identities in some part on where they live. Where a family lives sends messages about their lifestyles, preferences, and experiences. For military families, living on an installation can build a strong sense of community. This helps shape how the family sees itself in relation to others.
• Deployment: Deployment is one of the most stressful events a family can experience. Families must learn to adapt to changing circumstances before, during, and after a deployment. The service member’s sense of self may change drastically as a result of experiences during deployment. The family members, particularly the spouse, can also experience changes in how they perceive themselves after long periods of independence or single parenthood.
• Frequent moves: A Permanent Change of Station (PCS) can cause a great deal of stress for families as children adjust to new schools, programs, and friends. Children or family members may reinvent themselves in a new location, or they may struggle to define themselves in a new school or community.
• Work hours: Military family members may also work unconventional or long hours when they are home.
• Retirement and return to civilian life: Many individuals who retire from military service are young and find themselves ready for a second career. This can be a difficult transition. Service members may have a difficult time finding new employment that values their skills. They may feel a sense of loss as they leave the active-duty community and may struggle to develop their civilian identity.
• Remember that issues that affect civilian families affect military families, too; divorce or marital conflict, unemployment for a spouse or partner, and health care needs are just a few of the events that can shape a family’s identity.

Military life is not all about challenges, though. Military families have a variety of supports that you can help families access. Military families are often part of a strong military community. They may live on an installation with other military families, and they may have a group of friends in similar circumstances. They also have access to healthcare, mental-health, and advocacy resources through their service or installation. These can be valuable assets for families as they work to define themselves. Finally, they have access to you — military childcare. You understand the families’ contexts and can be a valuable source of social support.

Here are some additional ways to support military families, based on recommendations from families surveyed in the National Military Family Association Report on the Cycles of Deployment (2006):

• Help a family to be realistic in their expectations of themselves and of each other. This applies to deployment, station changes, retirement, and other major life transitions. Help families open lines of communication with one another about their expectations, fears, and excitement.
• Provide families with information about what they can expect before, during, and after deployment or other transitions. Recognize that every child’s response may be different based on age, developmental stage, disability, and temperament.
• Offer ongoing discussions and support to families with regard to return and reunion challenges.
• Remember that families—even those with experience—do not always have the information and support they need.

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Communicating with Families about Their Children’s Development of a Sense of Self

Cultural practices deeply influence how adults support children’s development of self and self-esteem. You will have important conversations with individual families to learn about their preferences for guiding the development of their children’s self-concept and self-esteem. All children develop in the context of their cultural backgrounds and their families’ values. It is important that as a leader, you demonstrate respect for each family and child enrolled in the program.

Collaborating with family members is very important to reach an understanding about the caregiving practices your staff uses to support children’s self-concept. According to Louise Derman-Sparks and colleagues (2015), cultural values are most likely to influence caregiving practices like:

• Discipline and child guidance
• Gender roles and expectations
• Sleep and mealtime routines
• Attachment and separation
• Children’s responsibilities at home and in the program
• Beliefs about teachers’ roles
• Value of play

You will need to build relationships with each family to understand their values and beliefs. Sometimes program policies will differ from families’ wishes, but the policies are deemed to be important for the program as a whole. In these situations, clear written policies and explanations of what the policy looks like in the classroom or program can help families understand why some decisions are made.

The program’s family handbook must include information about how you and your staff nurture children’s self-concept and self-esteem. Collaborating with parents is very important to reach an understanding about the intentional caregiving practices your staff uses to support children’s self-concept. There may be difficult situations where you will need to explain to a family why a staff member used a particular practice, such as allowing a 6-year-old to sit out during a large-group game because they chose not to play that afternoon. In some cultures, children are not allowed to refuse to participate in activities that an adult tells them to do. Having written policies in the family handbook can assist families in understanding the caregiving practices their children will encounter in your program.

Demonstrating mutually respectful and trusting relationships for all families, staff, and children must always be your goal. Your positive leadership is critical to maintaining a warm, responsive environment where children feel safe to develop their sense of self. Follow these steps to work through cultural conflicts in a way that promotes a healthy sense of self (Derman-Sparks, et al., 2015):

• Acknowledge that a cultural difference exists and that tensions have occurred. Identify the emotions that are coming up for you and all the parties involved.
• Take time to gather information about the situation. What are the family’s priorities for their child? What are the child’s experiences at home and in the program? How do you feel about what you’re learning? Where can you as a program flex to meet the family, and where can’t you flex?
• Make changes that reflect your program’s commitment to the child and their family. Identify changes that would be inconsistent with your program’s values and discuss why those changes will not be made.

Military families have unique needs, and it is helpful to have materials and resources available to address those unique needs. You can work closely with agencies both on and off the installation to provide resources on supporting children’s healthy self-concept. For very young children, there are resources available through the organization Zero to Three (see references).

Defining Self-Care Practices for Children and Adults

Another aspect of developing a strong self-concept and self-esteem is learning to use self-care practices. Caregivers who are aware of self-care practices can model them for children.

Self-care is an active choice to engage in the activities that are required to gain or maintain an optimal level of overall health. This includes not just the physical, but the psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual components of an individual’s well-being. In your role as the Program Manager, you can create an environment that supports the staff and children to engage in self-care. Your own self-care practices can be a starting place to demonstrate the importance of self-care for staff and children.

You can encourage and support staff to develop personalized self-care plans that help them meet their physical, social, mental health, emotional, and spiritual needs. Here are a few ideas from the National Association for the Education of Young Children (2020):

• Physical Needs: regularly eat nutritiously balanced meals; sleep adequately; exercise regularly; and monitor and attend to your health needs, making and keeping needed doctor and dental appointments and taking any medications as prescribed.
• Social Needs: cultivate and maintain close friendships. Everyone has different social needs, but we all have need to share others’ company in some capacity. Determine what your needs are and build time into your schedule to have the face-to-face time with your friends that feels right for you.
• Mental Health Needs: do activities to keep your mind sharp, such as working crosswords and other puzzles, reading books, or researching a topic or subject you are interested in and passionate about. To be mentally healthy, you need to be proactive. If you feel depressed, anxious, or otherwise troubled, talk about it with a doctor or therapist. Treatment can make a world of difference.
• Emotional Needs: establish appropriate ways to process your emotions. Talk to someone close to you—a spouse, partner, relative, or friend—to air your feelings and talk through problems. Journal your feelings; seeing things written out sometimes gives a different slant to events. Exercise, take baths, or spend time doing hobbies, such as painting, that allow you to relax and refocus. Remember that alcohol and other drugs can suppress your feelings rather than help you manage and lessen your distress. They may even intensify your emotional or physical pain.
• Spiritual Needs: nurturing your spirit involves doing things that bring meaning to your life and a connection with the world. It doesn’t have to involve religion, although it certainly can. Build in time for praying, meditating, or volunteering for a cause that enriches your soul.

Self-care practices can bring staff and families together, too. Your program is part of a diverse community, where adults and children pursue healthy lifestyles in a variety of ways. Use this to bring people together to learn and grow. Families may want to teach a cooking class or help with the program’s garden and point out to the children how cooking and gardening are ways to relax and manage stressful events. Other community members may also be willing to share skills and knowledge to promote wellness. Seek out resources in your community to bring self-care practices to your program. You may find some wonderful volunteers who are eager to share their expertise with children, families and staff. Watch and listen as program leaders demonstrate 3 strategies to help get you started with promoting self-care in your program.